County Hospital

Friday morning. I'm live in front of Metro Hospital with my reporter, Obie and our other photog Derek. Derek is in the truck we're using for the live shot. We're live in front of the emergency entrance to the hospital because the TB clinic at said hospital diagnosed a person with TB.

We do our first hit, and head back to our truck. A Hospital cop shows up and just wants to shoot the breeze with us. Pretty nice guy too. We chatted for a few minutes and then the cop leaves. As soon as he leaves, the crazy guy heads to us, of course.

"I WANNA TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT THIS F*$#@(% HOSPITAL AND WHY THEY DON'T FIX MY LUNGS!!", he starts screaming at Obie and me.

"THESE F'ERS DON'T WANNA HELP ME. I'VE HAD 3 PE'S AND PAIN FOR THE PAST MONTH AND ALL THEY DO IS GIVE ME A SHOT OF MORPHINE AND SEND ME HOME. PLUS MY DOCTOR TELLS ME TO MY FACE HE DOESN'T GIVE A S^%& ABOUT MY LUNGS."

He then proceeds to light up a cigarette.

We look at him and ask, "Well, why not stop smoking??"

"HEY...I'M DOWN TO 3 CIGARETTES A DAY. USED TO SMOKE A PACK AND A HALF A DAY."

And he wonders why his lungs hurt and why they won't help him.

Been Busy

Sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy and my son, Joshua was back in the hospital again. He's coming home today, and it's a good thing too. His little brother, Joseph is bugging the heck out of me asking when Josh is coming home. So, in the world of domesticity, everything is getting back on track.

Work has been work. The usual assortment of shootings, fires and car accidents. Ah, the life of being an overnight videographer.

We have one really interesting story going on, here in the city of Cleveland. Seems a councilman was arrested for DUI on early Monday morning in the Warehouse District of Cleveland. He was pulled over, field tested, failed the test,he refused a breathalyzer, demanded another field test, and started swinging when he was told no more field sobriety tests were being given.

I was dispatched to check out a possible stabbing near the Warehouse district and drove by three police cars that had surrounded a Red BMW.

Traffic stops in the Wareouse District are common and seeing three police vehicles around a car is not uncommon, so I paid no attention to it.

I should have. Turns out it was the councilman and I had just missed seeing him get all mouthy and start swinging.

Ahhh....timing.

Guess What's Cooking

Well, this will be the last post from the vacation dept. I start back to work tonight. Anyways, this involves my son Joshua again. He woke up at around 5:30am this morning saying he'd wet himself a little. So, my wife gets out of bed and gives him a new pair and washes his wet underwear out in the sink and places it on the air conditioner to dry them out.

Well, about the time we need to leave and pack everything in the car, my wife checks the underwear and it's still a little damp. So my wife puts the underwear in the microwave for 20 seconds to try and dry them out a little....

Fast forward an hour when we're in the car driving home.

My wife screams, out of the blue..."OH MY GOD!!! I LEFT HIS UNDERWEAR IN THE MICROWAVE!!!"

I'll spare you all the conversation about who was going to call the hotel back and let them know WHY there would be a pair of Spongebob underwear in the microwave.

My wife had a hard time telling the woman on the phone about it, but she did.

Hush Yo' Mouf

Well, since I'm on vaco, I thought I'd share at least one little nugget of how things have gone thus far. I am currently staying in a Best Western Resort in Lancaster, PA. It is really nice and the Wi-Fi works great here.

Ok, back to the nugget. After driving a looooong time and dealing with the kids becoming bored out their skulls, the wife and I decided to stop and have the kids get out and stretch their legs at a miniature golf course. A fun time was had by all..(I even got a hole in one!)

Well, on the way back to the hotel, the boys decided to start their crying, whining battle of 'He's Touching Me!!' And while this is going on, my navigator/wife tells me to stay in the current lane I'm in and next thing you know, I miss the turn because the wife was wrong. Thus adding to the stress of the moment.

I mumbled in exhaustion and frustration "F*@%!"

And Joshua (4) asks, "Did daddy make a wrong turn??"

Wife: "Why do you ask that??"

Joshua: "Because daddy said "F^@#".

The wife and I were laughing so hard, we almost missed the turn around.

See, I normally don't speak like that but I'm modeling my vocabulary after Lenslinger and his cavernous mastery of all words written and spoken. So, if anyone is to blame, it's him...or is it, it is he??

Who the F*%^ knows???

On Vacation

I'm on vacation this week and not a moment too soon. I'm headed with the family to Strasburg, PA to take the kids to a huge railroad museum. The kids are nuts about trains. Plus I get to go back to my home state of Pennsylvania.

My wife was featured on a CNN story about a doctor who does surgery for migraine sufferers. She's the victim on the table while surgery is being performed. What some people will do to be on TV.

Have a good rest of the week.

My Son

My son is out of the hospital finally. He has been diagnosed with strep reisistant pneumonia. He has something called a PICC Line inserted in his right arm. It's a long IV line that goes to a central artery so that it can get medication into the body faster.

He'll have this line in his arm for three weeks and need to have daily infusions of medication.

The doctors hemmed and hawed for four days debating whether to put in a chest tube.

But, my son is home finally. But he's pissed at me big time.

What is my sin?? I left his woobie at the hospital by accident.

Yes, my son's security blanket. And I forgot it when we were discharged...

I feel like a totally horrible parent for forgetting it. It really made me sad. That's the kind of thing you save for them in their memory box.

Well, I can't now...unless the housekeeping staff at the hospital cared enough to save it...

GOD..PLEASE LET THEM HAVE SAVED IT...

I cannot stand the wrath of a four year old....

I am such a horrible father.....

Please Pray

My oldest son, Joshua, is in the hospital. He's got pneumonia and a whole lot of fluid around his right lung.

They might have to insert a needle for a culture. This may lead to a chest tube.

He's scared. I'm scared. My wife is a RN so she's taking it all in stride.

Please keep my son in your prayers for a few days.

Thanks..!!

Stuck in Editing

This week, I'm stuck in editing for the morning show. Both of our part-time editors are off on vacation or unavailable to work this week, so I'm the back-up plan.

Scary, huh?

So, probably no stories of fires, accidents or multiple murders unless I get called out this week.

Hmmm....(insert Muzak)...dumm...de...dum.

(whistles softly).

Yawn..

(taps fingers..)

Sugar Rushes and Toys

Well, Easter Sunday is here. As my 4 year old put it as he ran into our bedroom this morning, "Hey mommy and daddy, guess what??!! It's 6:02, it's Easter and Jesus is risen....let's go downstairs..!"

Well, downstairs there were two easter baskets for two little boys. The baskets filled with toys and candy did not last very long at all. Now, there are chocolate covered faces and sticky fingers touching everything. Yes, candy in the morning. Why?? Because my wife thinks giving kids candy in the morning and then going back to bed and leaving the kids to me is hilariously funny.

Ha freakin' Ha..

Plus, the house is a mess. It's been unseasonably cold here the past week. Where is should be in the 50's, it's been in the upper 30's. The kids can't expell too much energy inside. I'd let them in the back playroom, but it's been too cold. The result: Our living room has thrown up with toys. It's a no-mans land of toys. You dare not walk barefoot across the room for fear of impaling the sole of your foot on a misplaced Transformer part. Trust me...it hurts.

Plus, I awoke (ok..was awoken too early) to a sight that makes me wanna cry. No, not my wife without makeup. It's the site of seeing garbage strewn all over my driveway. Great. Just great. A morning of picking up garbage.

Is 8:30 in the morning too early to drink?????

12 Car Pileup

Oh the joys of Northeastern Ohio in the spring. Yes, when the freezing mix of rain and snow, form on overpasses and bridges. Yesterday the call came over of a huge pile-up on one of our major side streets. It passes over Conrail tracks so the bridge is prone in bad weather to freeze over. Well, it happened..and this is the result.



Six people were injured in this accident. But the shocker was when the tow trucks started pulling the cars away from the pile.

Do you see the red car under the green van??



When they pulled out the red car, it was wedged under the Green Econoline van. In their haste to clear the scene, they pulled without looking and ruptured the twin gas tanks. A river of gasoline poured out from the tanks onto the roadway. At that moment, a firefigheter I know came walking up the bridge and I yelled over to him to get a couple of buckets..

"Why'd you need buckets??", he asked as he turned around to get them.

"Because", I replied, "That's $2.19 a gallon leaking out...."


Ehhh....Guess you had to be there.

(All picures are from www.wkyc.com, my station's website. I forgot my digital camera.)

My Wife's Black Eyes

Well, today my wife looks like she went a full 15 with Muhammed Ali. She has two very swollen and bruised eyes. Her forehead is purple and painful.

Why?? She just doesn't listen...

NO...WAIT!!! That's a joke...come back. Sorry..just had to. I know tasteless joke. I never said I was PC..

Ok, well the REAL reason my wife has 2 black eyes and a bruised frontal lobe is that she had a procedure done to remedy her constant migraines. A local surgeon here is doing a study on migraine sufferers and my wife qualified for the study. She had botox shots 2 months ago to paralyze muscles that make migraines horrible. The injections helped but they wore off as the botox left her body. The next step was the surgery.

The actual surgery is akin to having a brow-lift. Now, it looks like I belted her good for burning my steak. Well, the one thing that saves me from that stigma of wife beater, are the drainage tubes that stick out of her scalp and the vaccuum vials that collect the blood that seep after this kind of surgery. She kinds looks like a pugilist-frankenstein monster.

It still makes me wince, though. Even after she has those tubes out, she'll have black eyes and the questions will begin. And I guess I'm a little sensitive to having people even THINK that I've hit my wife. I know I shouldn't jump to that conclusion that people are thinking what they're thinking. But, I'm 6'3", 280 lbs and I shave my head. I'm kind of an imposing figure. My wife is 5'5".

But then again, why should I care what they think..????

Of Blood and Buzzards

Well, on my second day back to work from being totally incapacitated from the flu and bronchitis, I was given the assignment of covering the annual return of the buzzards to Hinckley, OH. The swallows have Capistrano. Daytona Beach has their college students. We have turkey buzards.

Basically what happens, is that every March 15th, the obsessed, the insane(read the media) and the naturalists show up to the Buzzard's Roost to see the "first" turkey buzzard show up from a long "migration".

(Psssssssst...little secret here. Some never leave. They have these great little nests built in rock ledges and decide that they'd really like to stay)

But we hearty fools go along with the guise. Plus, we get donuts and coffee and sometimes a really nice pair of cheap binoculars. It's all about the freebies.

Well, at 4 AM this morning, I show up at the Buzzard's Roost...alone. In a metropark teeming with dangerous animals (ie Deer). It's really peaceful. It's clear. And then it occurs to me, it's freaking cold. As of our air-time, it was 13 degrees. Plus, I forgot I was scheduled to do this, so I forgot to wear the long johns. Yeah...there was frost on the twig and berries.

Anyways, the day started off with my audio going completely to crap two minutes before my hit. Well, they floated me one package while I jury-rigged a concoction of hard wires back to the truck. My talkback guest was totally cool with this. But, it's frustrating. The perils of a one man band.

The control room is constantly calling on the IFB for bump shots. Look genuises back there, it's 5:30am. It's dark. There are only two people here...me and the metroparks PR person. WTF am I going to shoot???? The dark??? A dark tree?? A picnic bench?? I yell back into the mic about the obvious and get, "Oh yeah..sorry."

Well at 6:15 it's getting a little light and my second subject shows up. He's the naturalist who is the "official" buzzard spotter. Well, my talkback guy is holding the tip of his nose as he comes over. I think, runny nose. Nope...he's bleeding like a stuck pig from the tip of his nose. Seems he ran his gloved hand under his nose, and a edge of the velcro on it nipped the tip. Well, getting cut there, it will bleed profusely, because of the thinness of the skin and proximity of blood vessels near the skin. Plus it's cold and it's not clotting.

I run to the truck to get him some gauze and a band-aid for him, but no band-aids are in there...just my luck. Now, I have to shoot an interview with him while he's bleeding. Thank GOD for b-roll. I panned off him, up to the sky, the trees, the fire barrels and all this time, he's talking and turning his back to the camera. I try to get him turn around to face the camera. Well, he won't. So the contol room won't come back to me because all I have it the back of his head to show. I get crap for this after the shot is over. I snap zoom into the guy's face and get.."Oh..yuck" in my IFB.

Well, before I make this any longer than necessary, one buzzard shows up at 8:43am like "magic". Almost like it was released from a cage in the woods..hmmmm.

Well, getting OT for birdwatching isn't all that bad...but I'll wear the long johns next year..and bring band-aids.

It Sucks Being Sick

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Seems like the fickle hand of fate came up from behind and bitch slapped me pretty hard. I've been blessed with bronchitis AND the flu.

Yes, I've been sick for about a week and I don't feel any better. I'm taking some kind of 'cillin and Tami-Flu plus drinking every type of juice known to man. I'm so stuffed up, my head is pounding so damn hard. My fever...102.1 yea!!!!!

I cough so much I make myself sick and have to throw up...which is another type of agony, because I haven't eaten anything and the dry heaves are so much fun...

I'm going back to bed..

Hope you all are well..

Cops and Their Sense of Humor

Well, when it snows here, our desk goes ape-shit. We have to cover every little god-dammed fender bender that comes over the scanner. Now, for me, that means morning rush-hour. And it's ever so lovely to fight traffic and rubber neckers to get to the scene, only to pull over and cause more of a backup in traffic.

Well, past week, we've had our share of snow and snow in the morning causes accidents. I was sent to a "pretty serious" accident according to my desk. I get there, fighting traffic all the way. It looks pretty minor. A mini-van that skidded off the highway into the plowed snow and knocked over an exit sign, breaking out a couple of the van's side windows.

I put the flashing strobe on my car and get out. Out comes the tripod and camera and I walk over to the accident. As I get there, a Cleveland officer winds his window down and starts yelling at me. I couldn't hear him over the passing cars, so I head over to hear what he wanted.

I get over and apologize to the officer that I couldn't hear him. He tells me no problem and then asks did I know this was a fatal ax?

"No!!! Really?? It doesn't look that serious.", I told him.

"Yeah", he says. "The body is in the back of the van...go look."

"Uhh..no thanks. I've seen my share of bodies.", I said grimacing.

"No really, go look. It's Ok. You can get close to the van.", I'm told.

He seemed really insistant on me going to see the body, so I apprehensively head over to the van and look in the back window.

And well, the cop was right. There was a body in the back or the van.

On a stretcher covered with a wrapping of XYZ funeral home.

The van was a mortician's hearse.

I look back at the cop and his partner and they're laughing. The one cop gets out and says to me, "I told you it was a fatal."

Everybody's a comedian!!!!!!!!!

MAKE IT STOP!!!!

The past week up here in Cleveland, we've endured a rough time. First off, we were supposed to get a HUGE winter storm. It was supposed to hit on a Monday and drop anywhere from 6 to 8 inches of snow on us. The weather guessers were all advising this.

Then there was a huge sound over the northeastern Ohio. The sky was going fall, they told us. Run around..be prepared.

They were wrong. The most that fell that night was two inches. The guessers were wrong. They caught hell for it. We all laughed at them. Some even APOLOGIZED on air for it.

Then the next day came. And without warning...WHAM. We got hit with around four inches of snow...during the evening rush hour. It snafued traffic and as I was out running errands, it took me an hour and a half to drive 15 miles. Lovely.

That night, it snowed again I awoke to a new 10 inches of snow outside my house. I live in the area of N.E. Ohio called the snow belt, and they didn't name it that for shits and giggles. Well, downtown Cleveland wasn't hit that bad, plus the ODOT crews got ahead of the curve. The roads were wet, making our live coverage of the morning traffic conditions a joke.

Then that morning, a line of squalls hit, dumping another 4 inches of snow on us. And making my drive home almost two hours long. Oh JOY!

That night, it squalled more. Another 3 inches of snow. My grand total outside my home was close to 23 inches of snow.

Man, I can't wait to retire to the Outer Banks!! I'll take a hurricane over snow any day.

Overnite Photog

I read Lenslinger's story of morning show blues and yes, he has a point about all the crap that goes on. Myself, I volunteered to work the overnight shift and work on our morning shows. I felt that on some level, I owed it to the former photog that used to work it.

Steve was a great guy. He worked at our station for 21 years. He'd won numerous emmys. He was currently working the overnight shift. I was the 4am-12am shift, so we were partnered together. I grew to know him, or at least think I knew him.

He was a troubled man. He had a mariage that ended badly. He was depressed. He took medication for it. But he didn't always take it which caused mood swings. You never knew which guy was going to show up.

Things went downhill rapidly for him. I won't go into detail, but they ended in paranoia and despondancy. And with a single gunshot.

I think about him daily. I miss him. But, I volunteered to take his shift. I think that in some, slight way, I'm honoring his memory.

I miss you bud.

De-Pantsed By an Audi (almost...)

Friday morning we were live for our morning show at Cleveland's I-X Center. If you've never had the chance to go to an event there, you need to go. The I-X Center, short for International Exposition Center, is a monster of a building. It was constructed during WWII and known as The Cleveland Tank Plant. In general, it built Sherman Tanks during the war.

Well, now it's a huge place for conventions. For the next two weeks it hosts the Cleveland Auto Show. That's why we were there. To shill for the auto makers.

Near the end of our show, we did a hit with Jerry Adams, the President of the Northeastern Ohio Car dealers Association. He drives up in a new 2005 Audi TT Roadster, which is going to be given away as a grand prize at the end of the auto show.

Well, I've said the IX center is HUGE. So huge that whenwe roll cable into it, after a while, the length of the run causes problems with radio IFB and we have to run a hard wire IFB from the reeler.

So, I'm running around tethered to the dong at the end of the reeler and my IFB piggybacked to my talent, our morning anchor, John.

So, we decide to do the last shot with John and Jerry in the car. They did a little five foot drive up to me as the shot began and the whole shot went smoothly.

Until...(you knew this was coming)

After the shot was over, John says, "Hey...let's do a burnout!!!" We all laughed because the inside of the IX center is carpeted for the show. Jerry says, "All we'd do is ruin a little carpet..." Then I said, "I've always been partial to a neutral drop..."

And the next thing I know, I hear VROOOOOOOOMM VROOOOOOOOMMM and the SOB slaps the shifter into first gear and takes off.....

WHILE I'M TETHERED TO MY ANCHOR BY A 10 FOOT CABLE, WHO IS IN THE DAMN CAR!!!!!!!!!!!

I started screaming STOP STOP STOP STOP!!! While watching in slow motion as the cable on the floor starts to go farther away from me and then start to get taut.

Oh, did I mention, I had the IFB hard box clipped on my pocket??????

I see our talent frantically trying to undo himself from the IFB, but he's in trouble because he's got his seatbelt on.

Then it starts to pull on me...HARD. I did the stupidest thing I could think of. I leaned the opposite way to brace myself. Thank God I'm a big guy. I shifted about two feet before Jerry stopped the car. The IFB box clip bent to a 45 degree angle, made a SPROING noise and shot off my pocket about 7 feet in the air, ripping my IFB from my ear. It also pulled the talent's IFB out.

All I could do was see the headlines, "TV Cameraman's Jeans Ripped Off by Audi"

And you know what???? The jackass, Adams, never apologized for it.....!!

Good thing my jeans didn't rip off. I go commando.*







*Not really. Just wanted you to lose you lunch over the visual.

The Candor of Children

This morning, I was not feeling good. Usually I will do my daily routine of shave, shower, etc.. But I didn't today. I just veg'ed in front of the TV and laptop. Not feeling well, I didn't do much of anything. My wife went into work for four hours to help out there, so I was alone with the kids.

My boys, being the kind, caring tykes they are, cuddled with me on the futon in the hopes of trying to make me feel better. And I admit it. Having your kids snuggle up with you while you're not feeling well, helps make me feel better anytime.

Until...

My wife comes home, and I announce my intention to get myself together by showering and shaving.

And my oldest says, "Yeah daddy...you'd better shower. You're STINKY!"

(cough)...

AT least he's honest.

I Am The Harbinger Of Cable Modem Death

Well, yesterday I got my tax refund and I told the wife, " I AM GETTING A LAPTOP COMPUTER!!!(that is if it's ok with you, hon..)" Ok..so, I'm not suicidal.

Well, I went out and bought a Gateway laptop, that is just balls out fast, and a wireless router at Best Buy (i.e. Guy Heaven) and was so excited about my new purchase, I couldn't wait to get it home and set it up. I'm like a kids at Christmas when it comes to new electronics.

Ok, so I get home and immediately start to rewire my desktop to make room for the wireless router and tidy up a bit. Well, I disconnect everything, including my coax line from the wall. That was my error....my CRITICAL error. Because my cable modem never worked after that. When I reattached my coax to the modem, I did not get a solid green light telling me that my cable was communicating with the modem.

It flashed in spite of me. Mocking me. Blinking. Taunting me.

So, I unplugged everything between the computer and the modem and the cable. Then I waited for it to reset. I still got the blinking light. So, I repeated the process. This time I sacrifices a small furry animal to the gods of computing to incure their blessings. The gods were not pleased. They frowned upon my feeble attempts of sacrific. Their denial forced me to take drastic measures.

I had to call tech support. I'd have rather eaten shards of broken glass. But I buckled..

And guess what. Tech support was of no help whatsoever. I know. You're stunned also. I kept at it though. I did everything they said to do. Unplug. Turn off. Wait. Reboot. Until I had called four times and was very angry. My afternoon turned into having a service call for Monday. MONDAY. I CAN'T go without the internet until Monday....ARE YOU NUTS??

So, I decided to eliminate by process. I first moved my cable modem to a different cable line and discovered the same problem with the flashing cable light. I went to a third hookup and same problem.

Well, it turns out that I must have fried my cable modem when I disconnected the coax the first time. I probably didn't ground myself properly and possibly fried the modem.

So, at 9:00p.m. last night, I headed to Best Buy again and bought a new cable modem.

This time, hooking it up, I made sure I grounded myself properly.

I understand that when it comes to cable modems, I'm Charles Manson.

Packzi Anonymous

Today is packzi day. Yes, packzi day. What is a packzi? Well, first it's pronounced punch-key. It's Polish in origin from what I can ascertain and BURRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP..

I'm SO sorry. I really beg your pardon. Excuse me for that. I usually don't go animal house on people reading this. Didn't mean to offend.

Anyways, a packzi is a Polish donut, deep fried. It's a heavy pastry that can be filled with a plethora of different fillings. They're ususally made the day before lent begins. It's to symbolize the using up of all that will be given up for lent. So, URRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP....

Again, I'm sorry.

Well, this morning, I was sent to do a live shot at a bakery that was making the packzis. And I fought my hardest not to give in. I swear it wasn't easy. But, at my shot, I was very proud of myself. I did not have any. And believe me, these packzi pushing old ladies and their chief, the baker as he calls himself, did everything to turn me on to them.

"Would you like one?", a sweet little old lady asks. Oh sure, give a guy the first taste free. Next thing you know, you're in an alley, living in a cardboard box wondering where you're going to be able to score your next bite of packzi.

"Hey, look at him, poor guy, what happened to him??" "What, old crazy Jim over there?? He was a morning TV cameraman until he became a packzi addict. Don't make eye contact with him. He'll wanna talk shop with you!!!"

I've seen stronger men than I succumb to the temptation to the little grey haired harpies and their sweet offerings.

HA! Away foul temptresses!!!! And get thee gone with thy vile offerings of deep fried sweetness. Away I say!!

Ok..so I waited until I got back to the station to have one.

...burp...

Ok..two...

Anyone get a new refrigerator recently that I could have the box to??