Strip Clubs and Leaky Pipes

Last Friday, I went out to a "gentleman's..." Nahh..can't say that with a straight face. I went to a titty bar with a buddy of mine. We went to toast the departure of a certain person we didn't like. Childish I know, but hey, when you get a chance to drink, do Jager shots and see boobies, you jump. Well, at least I did.

After about 11 or 12 beers, Jagermeister shots and numerous lap dances, we staggered back to my buddy's place after a great breakfast of steak and eggs. I fell asleep at around 4:30am on my buddy's couch. I was dreaming that I was in a bar hearing the Cantina song from Star Wars playing in the background when I realized, it was my cell phone. I woke up slowly and answered the phone. Hey..no hangover at least! I never get hangovers, but there might be the first time. never know. Anyways...


My wife is on the phone, "YOUNEEDTOGETHOME.THEREISWATEREVERYWHEREINTHEBASEMENT!
APIPEBURSTANDTHEREISNOWATERINTHEHOUSE!!"

Me: "Ummmm...whazz time is it??"

Wife: "It's six in the morning and you need to come home right away..."

Thus ending my blissful sleep and having to wake my buddy up out of his self induced coma so I could get my car and leave.

Oh, what joy it was when I got home. What a double joy it was to call a plumber on a SATURDAY which was double the service charge.

I'd have rather have gone back to looking at boobies and paying for lap dances. It was a lot cheaper...and much more fun.

A Giant Rooster

I'd forgotten I'd written this. I wrote it a long time ago on photogslounge.net so I decided to post it on my blog as well. Talk about one to remember...

" Well, it seemed like a normal day, morning live shot then head back for a too early lunch. When I get a call from the desk, "Ready for a little spot news?", she asked laughing. Well, sure..any type of spot news can make a day go along faster. The desk says, "Ok..at E.65th and Bessemer Ave. A giant rooster is attacking cars.."

I smack my radio and make sure it's working right. I ask if I heard right, and all I get is "Yep." Ok...off to my truck I head with thoughts of old Japaneese Godzilla movies running through my head. I can see it now, blood, gore, buildings on fire, tanks, army men getting killed and the putrid scent of singed feathers in the air. I get to the scene to find.....NOTHING.

But, on the adjoining street, I find a house on fire with fire trucks just pulling up. I call the desk and tell them no giant rooster, but a house fire. I go to shoot it and bump into two of Cleveland's finest. I tell the cops that I've never done any type of illegal drug and I'm not under the influence of any right now...but I have to ask this, "Did you guys get a call of a giant rooster attacking cars????" Fortunately, instead of hauling me in, they laugh real loud and say, "Yeah, but it wasn't a giant rooster..it was a huge Rottweilier chasing cars. Some drunk coming home saw the dog and called it in as a giant rooster attacking cars."

Well, Ok..at least I got a house fire out of the trip. Then later on that day, I get another assignment to drive out to Aurora, Ohio to the Sea World to shoot the newborn baby penguins. I ask the desk, "What's with all the bird stories..first the giant rooster, now penguins?!?!?!?" The reply..(and it's true).." Well Brian, I guess you're just having a foul day...."

EVERYBODY'S A COMEDIAN!!!

Looking for a Mother

This morning I spent a good bit of time with my reporter and good buddy Vic. He's working the morning shift to fill in for our regular morning reporter, Obie. I really enjoy working with Vic. He's a funny guy, smart, a real quick wit and quite the trivia buff. Oh, and if he reads this, he's also a pretty good man, even though he's a liberal.

Anyways, this morning Vic and I were sent out to chase down the mother of one of the London terrorist bombers. The tip we got turned out to be a dead end. Apparantly she lives here in the Cleveland area and the bomber, Jermaine Maurice Lindsey, a Jamaican born Muslim convert visited her.

This is in itself very disturbing. He might have just been visiting his mother, working up to the final goodbye. But he also could have been meeting with other terrorists, doing recon, making plans for other attacks. It makes you wonder what else was he doing??? Here in Northeastern Ohio, we have a nuclear plant, many bridges, a major metropolitan area vulnerable. Just as many other cities are.

I don't plan on hiding in a hole, changing my life in anyway. But it makes one think and I keep my eyes open a little longer at people now.

Although, the Kinks may have said it best, "Paranoia will destroy ya.."

Elder Abuse (I wish...)

This morning my live shot was in Euclid, OH. The city was having a recall election on their mayor. Apparantly, he ignored a no vote on an issue and proceeded on a project despite the objections of the public. Seems kind of straight forward, right? We've all covered elections. Get b-roll of people going in, sound with voters (supporters and opposition) and b-roll inside the polling place.

My reporter and I asked for permission from the presiding election official for permission to enter the polling place and shoot some video. After a phone call to the county board of elections, our request was granted. The head offical goes inside and tells them that I've been allowed in.

As soon as I stepped into the polling area, you'd have thought the four horsemen of the apocalypse had walked in. An old man, a poll worker, starts screaming, "NO CAMERAS IN THE POLLING AREA !!!!!!!! GET OUT!!! NO CAMERAS...!!!"

This starts off a chorus of other harpies (old women poll workers) reciting his words. I'm trying to explain that the official got permission from the B.O.E. and that I was allowed in. This didn't phase him and he kept repeating and yelling, "NO CAMERAS!!!!"

Another old man gets on a cell phone, "I'M CALLING THE POLICE IF YOU DON'T GET OUT!!!" I told him to go ahead and I started to shoot b-roll. They all start howling at me to stop...

No way.

Finally, the election official comes out and starts telling the poll workers that I was allowed and that he got the permission from the head of the B.O.E. himself. This didn't phase the old man who kept yelling, "I DON'T CARE!! I DON'T CARE!! NO CAMERAS ALLOWED IN!! I DON'T CARE!!"

The official had had enough and yelled back, "HE'S ALLOWED TO BE IN HERE AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU CARE OR NOT!!!" That settled them all down, quick.

When I was ready to leave, I went up and shook the hand of the official and thanked him for his help in the matter. Then, I went directly up to the old man, squeezed his hand hard enough during our handshake to get his attention,and said, "Thanks for protecting the Democratic process from that evil First Amendment..."

And as I left, I swear this is true, I hear the old guy ask, "When will it be on...??" I didn't answer but I did shoot a look in his direction.

I've never wanted to bitch slap someone so much in my life. I don't care if he was close to 70 years old, he needed it.

Old Fart...

A Fuzzy Pink Terrorist

The other day, I did a live shot outside my station in the parking lot. This live consisted of a fuzy pink character named Slider. Slider is the Cleveland Indians mascot. The whole premise of our live that morning was to help promote Dollar Dog Day. Hot dogs at that days ballgame were $1.00.

Let me intoduce Slider:




Slider is around 6 foot tall. When you have a grown man inside a goofy outfit, the man tends to become more animated. Hey it's his job, right???




Well, we planned one of the hits to have Slider throwing hot dogs, fully wrapped in their foil packaging, at the camera. The shot started and Slider started to throw the hot dogs. Ok, throw isn't the right word. Rear back and throw at the speed of a Nolan Ryan fastball is more like it. I was pummelled with dozens of freshly cooked hot dogs, still warm...some hot.

Most of them bounced off the lens.

Some missed me entirely.

Some hit my hands.

Some hit me SQUARE IN THE FACE.

And I came away with a slightly bleeding and swollen lip.

I love my job...ehhh.

The Porn Show....Almost...!!

Did a live shot this morning. Just beauty shots for a Friday, trying to get the perfect sunrise over the city from an overlook. A car pulls about twenty feet behind me and a man and woman get out. Their ages had to be early 20's. They sit in the grass, him first, legs outstretched and then her, in his lap..



They knew I was there, in a clearly marked live truck, with the mast extened and my camera cabled out the back of the truck. My camera was faced away from them and towards the city. I guess they thought they were in the clear for a little huggin, touching and squeezing.

They didn't see the MAST CAMERA..

They didn't see it slowly swing over to their direction....

They certainly didn't hear me call back to the control room to let them know what was going on.

And lastly, I know they didn't hear the editing deck in the truck get up to speed when I pushed play and record...

They started off innocently enough. She sat in his lap..and he started kissing her back. Then his hands went into her lap. She smiled brightly. He must have been well manicured.

Then she leaned back and they started kissing and playing tonsil hockey. They would stop every once in a while, when a jogger ran by. But went back to a lot of kissing.

Then her hands went behind her back and into his crotch. That's when this started to get interesting.

Yep...I'm a perv.

Anyways, Mr. Smooth decides to go back to kissing her back and get a handful. Can't say as I blame him. She has a nice body.

After a while of dialing in radio stations, they laid back and relaxed. Mr. Smooth starts to put the moves on big time and decided to do a little undercover work. His lady love didn't mind the previous PDA's but, this might have been too public. She stood up and helped him up.

Damn...show over.

However, the control room was enthralled as was I. I didn't have a beauty shot taken during that time. I did have the MAST CAM punched up feeding the station.

Ahh, too bad I didn't get to see "fireworks" early for the 4th. But, I'm sure Mr. Smooth was having a good time. And I was stuck at work..