Caffeine and Satan

Again, here in northeast Ohio, it's cold. One degree above zero and I'm sick as a dog. This cold snap reminds me of one of the oddest things yelled at me as my career as a news videographer.

"You're drinking the devil's coffee!!!

It started out as a live shot at a newly opened strip club. It was located just outside the 1000 feet zoning limit for adult related retail stores near a school zone. Well, there obviously was opposition from many people. Especially the local churches. And the controversy warranted a live shot.

It was in January and it snowed about two inches that morning. Plus it was about seven degrees out. We parked in the parking lot of the strip club, with their permission, and did our first live of the evening. After our hit, the manager of the club came out and asked us if we'd like some coffee to warm up. The manager of the club was indeed a hottie herself and if you didn't notice her great legs, it could have been the full length mink coat she wore. She said she'd have some coffee sent out to us.

As we waited, we noticed that we were being videotaped by a church group protesting the club. I pointed this out and our crew waived at the camera. "Hey..put me on TV!! Hi Mom!! Send Money!!!", we yelled and laughed at the camera.

"Geez, that felt good!! I always wanted to do that!", I said to my reporter, as we both laughed. "Hello gentlemen, coffee??", we heard from behind us. As we all turned around, we were staring at four stripp..uh..exotic dancers holding trays of coffee and sandwiches. They were wearing coats, but it didn't look like they were dressed for the cold. The thigh high boots of one of the girls made that apparant.

We gladly took the coffee and food from the stripp...errr waitresses, and thanked them. "If you need anything else or just want to warm up, come on inside", one blonde said with a smile designed to pull ones from my..uh..your wallet.

As we drooled..um....stared at them walking back to the club, we hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE DRINKING THE DEVIL'S COFFEE!!"

We looked at her and then each other. Then we laughed out loud. All that was missing was a spit take. Again, the woman yelled about beelzebub and his heinous java. The she added, "AND YOU'RE BEING VIDEOTAPED!! I'M SENDING THIS TO YOUR BOSS!"

I had to go talk to this woman. So, I walked up to her and she started to shove the camera in my face. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A SINNER AND ASSOCIATING WITH WHORES??", she spit at me. The smartass in me kicked in. Couldn't keep it in if I tried.

"Associating with whores?? Are you implying that any woman in my general vicinity is a whore, if I talk to her. If I'm near her?? Like I AM WITH YOU???"

That stunned her a little. Then I kicked in to a mode of thinking that she might understand. "Ok, so now that I've drank the devil's coffee, did you ever stop and think that THEY were doing something Christian by bringing something warm to drink and food to eat for people working outside in the elements on such a cold evening. Did you bring anything for people on such a cold night??"

I turned around and walked back to my live truck, leaving the lady and her camcorder at the curb. We never heard a peep from her the rest of the time we were there.

But the best part of the night, actually was seeing two 16-or 17 year old girls standing across from the church group lifitng up their shirts to traffic and the protesters.

Uh...I mean, that was totally deplorable and those girls should have been at bible study. Shame on them....

We cheered, actually.